This just gets better and fucking BETTER.
She’s being held without bail. That’s a plus.
New information…
Posted in Bad Days, School Stuff on 02/14/2010 11:38 am by Elfhttp://blog.al.com/breaking/2010/02/amy_bishop_had_been_denied_ten.html
Her tenure had been denied last year…. and her appeal had been completed and settled. *sigh*
–Em
I can do both…
Posted in Uncategorized on 02/12/2010 08:51 am by ElfTwo years ago, when I was in school at NSU in Oklahoma, and Barrett was working five-days-a-week in Oklahoma City, I was studying genetics. Barrett came home one weekend and found me sitting on the couch, schoolbooks and notes and beads strewn all over the coffee table. I was busy stringing small glass beads on a wire.
“Are you studying?? or are you playing with beads,” he asked me.
“Both.”
“They would seem to be mutually exclusive.”
I recall holding up the little thing I’d been working on. “No. See? Ribose. I’m doing both.”
I recall him staring at me funny then huffing a little and walking off. I thought about making another one and making earrings out of them, but I didn’t.
Well, it’s 2010, I’m taking Microbiology, and my professor wants us to memorize the structure of Adenosine Triphosphate. “It’s just adenine and ribose and three phosphate groups,” he reassured us. “It’ll be on the exam.” Last night… I opened up my beads. YES, I brought them to school with me, because they’re useful!! I went through a lot of wire, almost all of my tiny blue optic beads (Hydrogen), a bunch of medium-size black optic beads (Carbon), a few light blue ones (Nitrogen), a bunch of pink ones (Oxygen), and three big fat purple ones (Phosphorus). This created a beautiful rendering of ATP, though slightly too big to stick on an earring.
With some adjustment, a few extra beads, and a clasp, it makes a fabulous bracelet, though.
My deoxyribose (which we all know is just ribose without an Oxygen at Carbon 2, right?) is earring-sized. I put together an Alanine (the smallest, simplest amino acid), and it’s also a lovely earring.
I am chagrined to discover, upon review, that my ATP is actually missing two Hydrogen beads… I missed adding them at two of the double-bonded carbons in the double-ring structure. The rest is right, though. 
Technically, the Hydrogens are simply assumed, but if I added them to all the other Carbons, I ought to have added them to these two also. Maybe I can fix it later. 
–Em
It’s hard to pick something to focus on.
Posted in Bad Days, Comments on the World, School Stuff, Why I want to kill myself on 02/04/2010 03:33 am by ElfEspecially when what you WANT to focus on isn’t what’s presenting as a more emergent problem.
I’m completely exhausted… I’ve had very little sleep lately, an organic chemistry exam on Thursday at 4pm, and I have had to move out of Barrett’s apartment and into a room on campus.
The upside is that my housing is now walking distance from classes. There are actually a lot of up-sides.
The major downside is that my change in environment is because Barrett’s had enough of me.
So… I moved, and am wracked with anxiety about all sorts of things (both rational and irrational). KB cannot live with me here. Lots of stuff is still at Barrett’s apartment. Barrett doesn’t call me “Sweetie” or “Elfy” anymore, he calls me “Emily”. When we talk at all. I’m within five miles of him and only seeing him briefly to let me into the apartment to get more of my stuff.
I’m a disaster… and it’s REALLY hard to focus on what NEEDS to be done for school.
On the plus side, I have plenty of psychotropic prescription drugs. I’m on an antidepressant which is working very well (until about 10PM when it starts to wear off…. ) I take adderall (YAY!) and Buspar (an anti-anxiety drug). The Adderall and Buspar are doing good things for me, though I’m still prone to randomly crying at stray thoughts.
I’m back to doing the “college thing”, but without the comfort/security of a permanent address to return to in the summer, and without family that I can return to if I choose. The only family I have in Alabama is Barrett… and he’s removing himself from that status. I’m alone here, lost as hell, and all I can do is hope I can focus enough to NOT THINK ABOUT IT.
I’m going to take a hot shower and get some sleep.
Fuck my life…
Posted in Bad Days, Comments on the World, Why I want to kill myself on 01/31/2010 06:02 pm by ElfSo I was at work, doing my thing, selling pet food. A very familiar-looking woman came up to me. “EMILY!! HI!! How are you!?!” I smiled brightly. “Doing great, how are you doing?” She smiled too, clearly thrilled to see me.
“You’ll have to forgive me,” I said, “But… where do I know you from?”
“JAIL!” she squealed REALLY LOUD, laughing.
One of the cashiers was walking past. “Jail, really?” he said, looking at us both.
*facepalm* Okay, great. How about next time we broadcast it over the store’s loudspeakers? Even better.
Fuckin’ EH.
The rest of the day has been pretty much consistent fail no matter what. I may be on antidepressants, but some days I just sincerely wish I owned a gun. It started with horrible dreams last night (about Barrett, his mom, me being a throw-away person… so much anguish and betrayal and abandonment all rolled up into one heart-wrenching dream sequence…) I got to work and did my best but it all started coming back to me… I took a few minutes to sit in the breakroom and cry from all the hurt that my own brain could inflict on me. Hurt that doesn’t really seem THAT far off, actually.
Then add Christy’s super-loud proclamation to the world… (She was totally too loud when I knew her before, too, she got on every last nerve in my body…) That’s just fucking great. I feel like hell, and it’s barely 5pm. And I have homework to do.
I’m going to try to study.
THIS is a fantastic picture…
Posted in Uncategorized on 01/30/2010 10:24 am by ElfThe photographer for whom I model actually has a day job, so it takes a while for him to go through ALL the pictures…
I just got this one in, and I LOVE IT!!!
I get the best toys…
Posted in Comments on the World, Good Days, School Stuff on 01/26/2010 08:53 am by ElfBeing a molecular biology student really can be summed up in two words: “Great toys”.
1/31/2010: UPDATE: Thinkgeek.com has posted this picture as a “customer action shot“!! WOO!
–Em
A shout out…
Posted in Comments on the World, Good Days on 01/23/2010 02:52 am by ElfHi there, Jen!! Long time no see!!
I still have buttloads of the craft stuff you gave me, though much of it got sold at yardsale… and I donated all the oil-paints to Merrimack High School before we left NH. I’ve actually used a lot of the paper scraps in collages… And a lot of the cloth still exists in boxes. 
Basically I weeded out the stuff that *I* would be inclined to use myself… and the rest, well… it’s off somewhere else.
I’m still totally overloaded with craft stuff, of course. I’m sure your collection has re-grown, too.
It’s good to hear that you’re doing well. Keep in touch.
Songs that make me cry…
Posted in Uncategorized on 01/20/2010 08:05 am by ElfCame in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue,
Thought I heard you talking softly
I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio
Still I can’t escape the ghost of you
What is happening to me? Crazy, some’d say,
Where is the life that I recognize?
(Gone away)
But I won’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find…
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say
“Pride will tear us both apart”
Well now pride’s gone out the window, ‘cross the rooftops, run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart
What is happening to me? Crazy, some’d say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
(Gone away)
But I won’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find…
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here beside the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk
And I don’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find…
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive…
–Ordinary World / Duran Duran
(incidentally, from the Wedding album…)
UAH Shooting
Posted in Bad Days, Comments on the World, School Stuff on 02/13/2010 01:50 pm by ElfAll students are safe and sound. I was not on campus at the time of the shooting.
I spent the night at a friend’s house last night, because I couldn’t get back on campus.
Read more: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/14/us/14alabama.html
http://www.waaytv.com/Global/story.asp?S=11981259
Also of interest: http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2010/02/professor_accus.html