elfination

The lease is re-drafted and as soon as we get our butts in gear, we can go sign it. YAY.

I just spent four hours on my feet selling everything BUT pet food (or, so it seems.) And petting everyone’s dogs. *groan* The host store where I set up my table should pay me for my time too; I’m practically one of their employees. I sell more flea-bath, leashes, harnesses, pet beds, sisal-rope scratchers, kitty-claw trimmers, parakeet supplies, bunny food, and crickets…. than my brand of pet food.

Note to self: “HUMAN-GRADE INGREDIENTS” does not at all mean (and should not be assumed to imply) “TASTES GOOD”. yeah.

How to weird out new customers: Eat the dog kibble.

Why would I like to work for Verizon? Um, in a word? DROID.
Can I keep working full-time during school next term? “sure.” And on a phone interview you can’t see my sly sidelong look that means I’M LYING THROUGH MY TEETH. I’d rather have part-time. But hey, sure, hire me, put me through three weeks of cushiony training. Fine by me.

–Em

It’s so annoying, really.

Gotta fill out the same shit over and over and over and over…. and how hard can this possibly be?! I just want a damn part-time job for a little bit, just to pay my lawyer bill and stuff. Sheesh.

On the plus side, there’s a weekends-only job that I’ve got in-person interviewing set up for this Thursday evening and then this weekend…. So that’ll help a lot.

–Em

I’ve been working a bit toward putting a book together regarding my little legal ordeal. I now understand the concepts of writer’s block, little recording devices, and the peace found in unfamiliar environments (other than “home”).

However, between writing and meeting new friends, I’m actually enjoying life quite a bit right now. Barrett is encouraging me to make a short list of important things that I *WILL* do during a day, while still leaving myself time to pursue my own interests happily.

This could work well for me. Getting out of the house, wearing nicer clothes that I don’t mind being seen in out in public…. yeah. It’s all good.

I was so happy to come home and report I’d got a job. I’ll learn a little video editing, answer some phones, make little notes on little sticky pieces of paper, and relay messages to my boss. That sounds like a job I can enjoy. Sure, part-time for now, but it’s flexible and the kind of job I want. I’d make a good administrative assistant - someone who basically knows the everything.

That high was shot down pretty fast. My mother-in-law called and was surprised I answered the phone. Didn’t acknowledge who I was. Asked if Barrett was there. Apparently one of my student loans called her and asked about getting paid. So, fine, I’ll call all my student loans and tell them to STFU for a while.

I don’t know why they called Barrett’s mom. I certainly didn’t ask them to. Maybe two years ago, back when the world hadn’t ended, I’d probably put her as a reference… a “closest relative not living with you” kind of thing. I’m sorry that they called and harassed her. Of course, if the phone calls had been handled while I was removed from life, that would not have happened.

I’m sorry I wasn’t here to handle all the phone calls… but you don’t get to hold it against me twice. You can hold it against me that I got removed from life for two months, but you can’t hold it against me that stuff I usually do didn’t get done also.

Let me just take a moment and go back in time and fix things, huh? Oh, wait, forgot. Left the magic wand in my pocket and it went through the wash. oops.

FML.

Which is wearing me RIGHT the fuck out.

I’m working 2-9pm Monday through Friday.

So if you can’t get ahold of me or haven’t seen me lately…. that’s probably the reason.

I HATE writing resumés. It’s hard to write an exciting resumé when the best you can say about a previous job is, “Successfully managed to not kill myself over working there.”

I feel really weird writing cover letters.
[parrot voice] “Diligent self-starter! Highly effective multitasker! RAWK! Good with people! RAWK! Will work for crackers! RAWK!”

But, Barrett went to some trouble to find me some job listings. And I managed to complete enough of a resumé to fill one page (and even slipped a little humor about my DirecTV job in there: “Coaxed the unwilling through the impossible.”) I was jazzed to have finished, and began toiling over a cover letter. I thought it sounded parrotty. Barrett said it was a great cover letter. It seemed worth the trouble for the job posting.

---

Reply to: job-nyv7z-1165471129@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-11, 1:36PM CDT

Looking for a mature, organized, responsible, self-starter, who has well-developed social skills, is neat, health-oriented, progressive and articulate, has Mac computer skills and would enjoy front office work in an eclectic school environment. Needed Monday-Thursday mornings, 16 hours per week. Please fax resume along with a hand-written cover letter or email thanks.

---

Sent: 5/11/2009 5:13:30 PM
Subject: Progressive, creative, mature - Found!

Dear Hiring Manager, I am keenly interested in the Administrator position (posted on Craigslist: http://huntsville.craigslist.org/ofc/1165471129.html)

I am a clever, curious, intuitive problem-solver. I can work happily as a member of a group or alone. I am highly trainable, and have learned the ins and outs of multiple industries, from aviation to satellite television to health insurance to mitochondria. I’ve taught myself web design, I can use PCs and Macs with equal ease (I own a Mac Mini). I am patient and careful, quite capable of making quick, correct decisions. I am also quite capable of owning my mistakes, whether the mistake was procedural or interpersonal.

I’m flexible, both in scheduling and in pay scale. I face my world with wry humor, I’m quick-witted. I understand confidentiality and protected information, and I take passwords and safeguards very seriously.

Above all, your priorities are my priorities, and once they’re mine, I own them and adhere to them.

I would like to meet with you in person to discuss this opportunity!

Thank you for your time,

Emily

---

I need to clarify here: The following email is what I received IN RESPONSE TO MY APPLICATION FOR THE ABOVE POSITION.

---

Jim Thomas to Emily:

Hello,

Internet Secret Shopper is the global leader in mystery shopping and customer service evaluation. We are looking for serious independent contractors/mystery shoppers who are dedicated to quality and professionalism to help us meet our client’s needs.

These assignments and/or online audits are in the online sectors of, financial, education, automotive, insurance, health, entertainment, business opportunity, mobile and grocery store industries.

You may apply directly online on our secure website at http://www.internetsecretshopper.com/signup/ to obtain a free information/application packet.

Mystery Shoppers:

Internet Secret Shopper is accepting applications for qualified individuals to become mystery shoppers. It’s fun and rewarding, and you choose when and where you want to shop. You are never obligated to accept an assignment. There is no charge to become a shopper and you do not need previous experience. After you sign up, you will have access to training materials on our site.

Apply now to become a mystery shopper.

As a Mystery Shopper you can

• Work full or part-time.
• Set your own hours.
• Take only the assignments you want
• Flexible schedule and hours
• Work from the comfort of your own home

Apply now to become a mystery shopper.

What exactly will I be doing?

You will visit various websites and pretend to be an average customer. While there, you will secretly evaluate things like customer service, response time and product quality.

When you’re done, just fill out a small questionnaire describing your shopping experience. You then submit your report and get paid for your opinions. That’s all there is to it!

Apply now to become a mystery shopper.

How much can I make with this?

The company you shop for will pay you for each assignment you accept and complete. Payment will be usually be issued by Pay Pal or Revolutionary Money Exchange.

How much you make depends on how often you shop, but a typical assignment often averages out to about $25.00 per hour. A good mystery shopper can easily earn about $1,000.00 a month - working only part time. But if you can work full time, you could bring in over $4,000.00 a month.

Apply now to become a mystery shopper.

Why Do Businesses Need Mystery Shoppers?

Companies want to know if policies are being followed, if customers are being satisfied, and that their business is running just like it should. So they hire “Mystery Shoppers“ to come in and act as if they’re normal customers to see that everything is going as it should.

Apply now to become a mystery shopper.

Best Regards,

Jim Thomas
Administration
InternetSecretShopper.com

[And then here was my cover letter, attached at the bottom.]

---

WHAT??!!?!?!?!!??!

Exactly how does, “Front office work in an eclectic school environment” translate into, “Apply now to become a mystery shopper!!” FIVE TIMES IN ONE EMAIL (not counting the first pass where they gave the website)???

(Did I mention that I’m completely fucking broke and that’s why I’m trying to get a fucking JOB? I can’t exactly go prancing around the internets buying shit.)

Oh, yes. If you go to that craigslist posting to see for yourself? You’ll find it’s been “Flagged for removal.” Gosh, I wonder how THAT happened.

–Em

They’re fed-ex-ing me a check.
–Em

So, I said I was sending in applications answered very honestly (and, hopefully, un-usefully).

Well, that store called me in for an interview. VERY excited. “Can you make it Monday at 3??”

Ummmm… Yeah?

Monday…. at three….? Okay….

This particular store is actually one of maybe two that I’d actually probably enjoy working at. I was almost not going to send in the application because I thought maybe I should reserve my application for a time I actually want the job. (oh, yeah, it’s Build-A-Bear. The other store I might enjoy is Lane Bryant, if only because their clothes fit me.)

But nooo.

Maybe it was because I was so honest? Can one ever know for sure? I guess I’ll just be honest in my interview, too. “I am on unemployment and they pay more than you (probably) do…”

All things considered, though… there ARE worse places to work.

I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

On the homefront, the office is clean, although my desk isn’t. Because, you know, I took all the stuff off the floor and put it on my desk, right? I vacuumed and steam-cleaned the floor, and went out to get the spritzer of Feliway to dissuade Bastien from peeing on the floor (AGAIN)… And I returned to the office to find him… peeing on the floor already.

I swear… that CAT… damn.

I gave him a very stern BAD KITTY!!! Which he took in stride. He took a good 15 seconds to finish peeing before running away all upset. *sighs*

So I re-steam-cleaned that section of carpet, spritzed the feliway liberally, etc etc… Yeah, and I used bleach on the carpet, too, so it should take out some of the ammonia smells.

No, I don’t know why he doesn’t use the box. YES I’m sure it has something to do with his previous outdoor-bachelor-kitty life (although he was neutered when I took him in)… and, according to my friend Darrell, “It’s probably Kismet. Living with Kismet would make ANYONE want to pee in the corner.” Thanks. Yeah, Kismet does take her share of swipes at Bastien, but he usually whacks back. I dunno. Maybe we need more litter boxes.

I guess that’s maybe next week’s project. Or the week after.

I had my pre-op appointment today. The PA from the anesthesia department was nice. I asked her where she went to school; she went to OU. (That’s where I’d be going to complete my PA after doing the pre-work at NSU).
Nothing new. Barrett’s home, and tomorrow: Kansas City, and Worlds of Fun. I love me some roller coasters.

–Em

The craziest thing EVER is about to happen.

I’m about to get laid off.

This… is…….. amazing.

It’s not amazing like, “how could they not want to keep my talent?!?!? WTF?!? I thought they liked me!!! They’re stupid to think they can get by without me!!!”

It’s more amazing like, “dear sweet heavenly BabyJesus thank you for hearing my humble prayers.”

And while I’m not ever actually inclined to say that last part, it still applies.

Because………

*selfish*

I don’t want to go back. I want to go to school. And if I have to jump out of this airplane and swim, then you know, I might as well get shoved out. Maybe a little earlier than I was ready for, maybe I’ll have to be very careful with money for a few months before fall term starts…. but …. Better to not leave the job and have the job leave me. Better to see it as a sign from above and not argue with it.

Probably better to not laugh gleefully until tears run down my face….

At least, in front of other people….

But there’s no reason I can’t just go with it.

And, believe me…. I WANT to. I want this. I want to be OUT of the workforce. I want to apply myself to school, because I know I can. I know my brain can be filled with all sorts of information. I know that a degree or two and some certifications won’t be wasted on me. I know I have more to offer this world than holding a chair onto the floor in an office that can’t handle my sense of humor.

So I don’t want to go back. I really don’t.

*/selfish*

Still a lot of stuff to get figured out… like unemployment and whether I’m going to my mom’s next week for a small Easter pilgrimage…. eh, you know… the usual stuff.

OMG YAY I DON’T HAVE TO WORK FOR A WHILE!!!!

*heart bursting with joy*

Yeah, it rocks.

–Em

I put up halloween lights… little purple lights on my shrubs and flickery orange lights on the holly bushes and little pumpkin lanterns on the crape myrtle.

This of course forced one neighbor to decorate THEIR house.

heh. I love starting trends.
Bastien the WonderKitty is still as vocal as ever - it’s actually called “hypervocalization”, and it’s common in male kitties that were outside but are now confined to inside. Neutering helps, it’s said. Bastien is already neutered. Oh well. I’m learning (with the help of some NyQuil) to sleep through most of it.

My new job is going very well - my team leader is giving me good feedback, I don’t suck at the job, and I’m not making any big mistakes. (I do have some errors, typical new-job stuff… they’re “keying errors”, such as putting an extra 0 in a patient account number and such.)

Anyway, I’m off to do my thing.

–Em