elfination

Barrett will not be renewing hosting of Elfination.com, and the site will be gone as of July 21. With the chaos of today (getting KB treated for a UTI and my tire blowing out), and considering my limited budget, I’ll let the site lapse at that time.

It’s been fun.

———Edit 8:25pm————

Thanks to CB, who has singlehandedly kept the site going another year…. All dollars will be forwarded to DreamHost. Thank you…. this site actually means an incredible lot to me.

Hi, spammers. I love your comments. You make me laugh! I enjoy a good WTF as much as the next person, and you’ve never failed to deliver. Let’s take a moment to review the last dozen spam comments that have been posted to my blog…

“Your post elfination » Blog Archive » The most Safe-For-Work NSFW clip EVER. was very interesting when I found it over google on Saturday by my search for xxx clip. I have your blog now in my bookmarks and I visit your blog again, soon. Take care.”
Thank you, Dirk. It was amusing, that’s for sure, but why you’d find it interesting when you’re really searching for “xxx clip” leaves big questions in my mind.

“Hello, i found your information for face fuck quite useful! Keep Going! W pornhub 4u!”
O.o Yes, good, I try to post useful and knowledgeable information on all topics… uh… what?

“The credit loans suppose to be useful for people, which would like to start their organization. By the way, that is very comfortable to get a term loan.”
“All people deserve wealthy life and credit loans or just bank loan will make it much better. Because people’s freedom bases on money state.”
Um, yes. The grammar also suppose to be useful for people which would like to start their engrish state.

“Great posting. I’m looking for elfination » Blog Archive » That pisses me off. information but your content about automotive service manager resume writing give me a lot of knowledge. Thanks.”
RIGHT! Because I have a whole damn PAGE about “automotive service manager resume writing” …. I’m glad you were able to get so much out of it.

خبر داغ***امروز اين سايت سکسی ايرانی را که در بالا ميبينيد در بين لينک های وبلاگ ديدم..خيلی جالب بود..تا به حال نديده بودم که ايرانی ها هم يک سايت فيلم سکسی به اين باحالی داشته باشند..گفتم بنويسم اينجا که بقيه هم استفاده کنند..ممنون از مطالب شما
Yes, exactly. I agree completely. This is a particularly salient point, given that it’s a response to my post on roadkill.

“Why you RSS is still for free?:))”
Well, Mr. Fuck Pictures, I really believe in free RSS. Call it stupid, but I just give all this stuff away for free.

The following are just random wtf statements that, I guess, are designed to make me think I know the person….

“Silva came through towards the end but it was too late”
(Yeah, I know, isn’t that always the way?)
“Hi and many thanks for a enlightening blog. I appreciate what you talked about.”
(Thanks, it’d be even more useful from someone whose username was something other than “day-64-hcg-diet”.)
“Be sure I´ll be back. Found this great blog by searching for bored bored bored”
(You’re welcome, FreeMov! I’m not sure why that’s a good search term, but hey, if it brought you here, it must be good.)
“it was great fun, wasn’t it? And the fight scenes were great, even in the sequels”
(what the hell are you TALKING about??)
“One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like”
(I’ll remember this as I meditate.)

I was assigned a temperature conversion problem. I had some fun with it.

We were supposed to write a program that would convert Fahrenheit to Celsius or Celsius to Fahrenheit, and then for given values, print out various statements about the weather. I assume our instructor would be plugging in various numbers into the code to get different results… but I decided to use a random number generator instead. Technically, we haven’t learned how to use the Math.random function, but I did it anyway.

The statements he wanted us to use seemed to be geared toward Fahrenheit measurements… and jeez, I’m from the US, I know what the weather’s like in Fahrenheit. So I generated a random number and called it “F”, converted it to degrees Celsius, had the program print both results… then had it go through some basic statements one might hear about the weather.

Because we were also required to practice “ternary operation”, which is an If-Then-Else statement, I put in two options for each temperature range. Translated in English, the code says something like this:
a is a number bigger than 90. b is between 80 and 90. c is between 70 and 80 (etc.)…
if a is true (if the random number that got generated is more than 90), then print the statement “I’m MELTING!!” else(meaning, if a is not true, the number is less than 90) print the statement “at least I’m not melting!”.

When strung together just so, it’s almost conversational.

If you know how to run Java code, copy/paste the following and run it. I’m proud.

public class TemperatureConversion {
/**
* @param args
*/
public static void main(String[] args) {
// F = (C * 9 / 5) + 32;
// C = (F - 32) * (5 / 9);
float F = (float) Math.random() * 100;
float C = (F-32)*5/9;
boolean a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j;
System.out.println(F + “Degrees Fahrenheit”);
System.out.println(C + “Degrees Celsius”);
a = (F > 90);
b = (F > 80 & F < 90);
c = (F > 70 & F < 80);
d = (F > 60 & F < 70);
e = (F > 50 & F < 60);
f = (F > 40 & F < 50);
g = (F > 30 & F < 40);
h = (F > 20 & F < 30);
i = (F > 10 & F < 20);
j = (F > 0 & F < 10);
System.out.print(a ? “I’m MELTING! ” : “At least I’m not melting! “);
// if it’s hotter than 90ºF, pleh!
System.out.print((d | e | f) ? “I love this weather! ” : “I wish the weather were better. “);
// between 40 and 70 degrees, I’m happiest…
System.out.print((b | c) ? “It’s still too warm…” : ” “);
// between 70 and 90 degrees, it’s still too warm out for me.
System.out.println((j | i | h | g) ? “It’s COLD out!” : “At least I’m not freezing!”);
// under 40 degrees, yuck! too cold!
}
}

Long-lost magnetic poetry!

I’ve unearthed some stuff that was put up in storage back in Tulsa. In preparation for school, I’ve been looking for office supplies… and I happened upon a magnetic whiteboard upon which much poetry is stuck. I’m adding extra spaces between prefixes/suffixes and root words… it’s more fun that way.

Here’s what it says:

chocolate is win

The know of cat make more smiling life

My use of easy word and sell plan s will make for allow buy car (that must have been Michael’s, he was selling guarantee plans at Staples at the time.)

Play ing of her ample milk jug s & cream y pussy tunnel can grow extra stiff pants tool (um, true, but how’d that get there??)

Lucky cat know you soon find true friend smile (aww, kitties.)

bountiful bosom it has a flavor (blush! Also true, I guess.)

happy music are best when hear from instrument (okay, whew, back to normal.)

she downtown investigate sex
the vegetable may drive those
to a private crazy tickle & a busy
produce our special lucky kiss
explore night
install delicious boat
dig in wet gravity pole
know not shady fiddle
come to bare muffin (I have NO IDEA where this ought to be broken up, if at all. It’s odd.)

Time to shuffle those words around, I think.

–Em

(as a prelude: This conversation has never actually taken place. I just thought of it while I was browsing the grocery. I can think of a number of scenarios where it might have taken place, though.)

They were at lunch, the two of them. The conversation had been idle - television programs and movies, work, weight loss. Her success had been won through careful counting and restrictions, his through a physically active job at the company.

There wasn’t much left unsaid, to the casual listener, but between them they each had a list of unspoken desires. She finally broke the silent chatter.

“Do you know what I really want?” She asked, leaning forward toward him, her eyes wide, as she inhaled deeply. “What I think I want more than anything else?”

His pulse quickened, his mouth went dry. Here it was, the words he’d secretly hoped she’d utter. He looked into her deep almond eyes - they sparkled, he noticed, and her sharp intake of breath had flushed her cheeks just so, and was that a flush across the pale skin of her chest? Had her foot just grazed the side of his leg? He could barely answer. “What do you really want?” he asked, struggling to get the words out.

“Raisins,” she said. “I want a big box of raisins. I’ve never even liked raisins, but suddenly, I want piles of them. I think the golden ones are better. Or maybe dried cherries or something… I haven’t been able to have anything at all like that in years.”

“Raisins?” He stammered.

She blinked. “What did you think I’d say?”