elfination

He may or may not be “teenage”.

He’s not “mutant”.

But he is, without a doubt, a NINJA TURTLE.

Okay, I’ve heard this debate for a while…

I honestly have thought that the Islamic Community of New York wanted to build a MOSQUE somewhere like, across the street or something, from Ground Zero. I thought, “meh? That’d probably weird people out, but hey. Free country.”

Turns out….

A) it’s not a Mosque. (It’s a community center.)
B) it’s not even at Ground Zero. (It’s several blocks away.)

Thank you to Cracked.com for the following article:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-reasons-the-ground-zero-mosque-debate-makes-no-sense/

This is why I don’t get bent-out-of-shape about this kind of thing…. there are always REAL FACTUAL DETAILS that the press seems to leave out….

–Emily

Yesterday, I stopped at the storage closet at my ex’s apartment building to get a couple of boxes. I was on my way to Wolf’s with laundry (his grandmother is so kind, she lets me do laundry there, and she’s got the world’s BIGGEST washer, which is awesome)… I glanced through a couple of boxes, just looking for something that might have interesting stuff in it. I grabbed two likely candidates, and was startled by Barrett walking into the breezeway.

I wasn’t just startled by someone coming up behind me; I was startled in another part of my brain… some part that said, “Hey! I know you! Aren’t I supposed to hug you, and kiss you hello?” I didn’t, of course, do anything (other than exclaim that he’d startled me). We traded mild hellos, and I left.

While at Wolf’s, I took some time to look through the boxes to see what I’d grabbed. I gave Wolf his choice of some random playstation games from one box, and I looked at the other.

I found something so sad: A book-shaped wooden box that I’d carefully hand-painted and varnished many years ago… a Valentine’s Day gift to Barrett from before we were married. I opened it, sadly thinking of what I’d find. The little bear-shaped figurines, some glued or taped to bits of paper with little scenes drawn behind them. The little notes saying what I loved about him. The little coupons for snuggling on the couch or backrubs… things he almost never asked me for. The little purple hershey-kiss-shaped drop of glass…

And then… an index card, with his handwriting. Something I don’t remember putting in there, something that could easily be from a long time ago, but just hit me so hard now. We used to write haiku to each other….

You are my treasure
Gorgeous and Precious, Love
I shall miss you much.
– With Love, Barrett

Oh…..

I used to be someone’s treasure. Someone’s precious. Something someone would miss. Something to whom someone wrote warm things, with love.

oh.

And my heart breaks into a thousand little ice-cold shards all over again.

Many thanks to Iskandar for finding this….

Two words: Fire. Ants.

That’s right, it’s Alabama, and there are fire ants.

KB likes running out the door when I’m walking in or out. Because it’s a one-room apartment, he’s learned he can lurk near the door and scamper out, sometimes without me even realizing he’s left. This leads to the fun Catch-The-Damn-Cat game.

This evening, KB ran out as I was bringing things in from my car. Rather than just poke around the parking lot or the bushes near the building, he scampered across the road.

So, I, barefoot, grab the box of catfood kibbles, and dash across the street to call to him and rattle the box to get him to come back. It’s dark. And I was barefoot. And I stepped on a fireant hill.

*cries*

Cortisone cream helps a lot. But MAN are fire ants freakin’ evil.

–Em

I looked at my bank balance to see if my paycheck has hit yet. I was greeted with a negative balance.

Apparently, they’re charging me a $34.00 NSF fee when I have (had) $5.01 in my account.

O.o I don’t understand…

Okay… we’re discussing objects, and classes, and behaviours, and the differences among them. My brain, however, is working overtime on innuendo.

“So we have a public class, called ‘Box’.” (fine.)
“We define the size of the public Box, and assign it a behaviour of accepting input.” (….okay. Public Box. Input. Got it.)
“Now, do we automatically expect an output from the public Box if it has accepted input?” (Oh god…)
“We must define the size of the public Box, because you cannot put something very large into a small Box. That is, unless we define the size of the box to be variable.” (of course. It stretches…)
“I will now define another class, called MyBox.” (…please don’t…)

Soooo at the end of this, let’s see. We’ve got an object, called MyBox, which is public, accepts inputs, is of variable size, and is not expected at this time to produce any output despite numerous inputs. At this time, the box can accept anything from very small to very large, but you can only insert one object into the box at a time.

Oh god…. I try so hard to pay attention in this class, but I think I need a break.

–Em

I am NOT a mechanical engineer. I am a biologist. But I digress.

I was on my way home, at 1:30 AM, and ran out of gas. This is mostly because I thought I could make it home and get gas in the morning. Wrong. Also, I’d made a series of judgment calls: New tire? or gas? *new tire*. Feed the animals? or gas? *feed animals*. Gallon of milk? or gallon of gas? *milk*. That last one was a dumb idea. Borrow $30 for therapy? or for gas? Well, I thought it was for therapy, but there I was wrong again.

Anyway, the police officer was kind enough to drive me to the local BP station (which was open), where I was able to purchase a gas can and two gallons of gas. He forgot to open the windows in the back of the squad car, so… between having pushed my car a short way up an incline and sitting in the back of his cruiser, I was so overheated I wanted to puke. He did apologize, which was polite of him.

It took two police officers and their giant flashlights and myself to figure out how to unlock the nozzle on the damned gas-can so I could get the gas into my car. I made some crack about “what do they think we are here, a town of rocket scientists?” (ha! funny! I live in Huntsville!! haha!! Ok, maybe it was funnier last night.)

I relayed the story to a couple of friends, and one suggested that rocket scientists wouldn’t know how to unlock the gas can either. The other friend said: “I agree, scientists don’t know how to do everyday things, because they’ve figured out some complex mathematical-language hybrid algorithmical rocket/computer robot toaster that can do it for them.”

True….. Also, given that after some efforts to unlock the mysteries (and nozzle) of the 2.5-gallon gascan, I was rewarded with zero fuel flowing through the nozzle, but some leaking out of the cap. I decided that the whole thing must have been designed by BP.

–Em

Planes are much different from cars. Plane CRASHES are much different from car crashes. It’s really that whole… third dimension of space thing, I guess.

If you hear, “I just heard that my friend crashed his car,” it’s pretty reasonable to say, “Oh my goodness, is he okay?” because…. it’s not unreasonable to picture a scenario that involves the driver walking away, relatively unscathed, from a mangled vehicle.

I received a text message from a suddenly-reintroduced long-ago and far-away college friend: “I just heard that my friend and coworker crashed his plane.”

No, they’re never “okay”… it’s wrong and just plain stupid to even ask.

“OMFG! Shit, is he alive?”

That’s more like it. And after some review of news blips from Portland, Maine… I know the answer. He’s probably more “okay” than if the answer had been “yes”.

My heart is with you, Jamin. My deepest prayer is that it was quick. I’m so very sorry. If I can somehow be of any comfort in any way, please let me know.

–Em

Hi, spammers. I love your comments. You make me laugh! I enjoy a good WTF as much as the next person, and you’ve never failed to deliver. Let’s take a moment to review the last dozen spam comments that have been posted to my blog…

“Your post elfination » Blog Archive » The most Safe-For-Work NSFW clip EVER. was very interesting when I found it over google on Saturday by my search for xxx clip. I have your blog now in my bookmarks and I visit your blog again, soon. Take care.”
Thank you, Dirk. It was amusing, that’s for sure, but why you’d find it interesting when you’re really searching for “xxx clip” leaves big questions in my mind.

“Hello, i found your information for face fuck quite useful! Keep Going! W pornhub 4u!”
O.o Yes, good, I try to post useful and knowledgeable information on all topics… uh… what?

“The credit loans suppose to be useful for people, which would like to start their organization. By the way, that is very comfortable to get a term loan.”
“All people deserve wealthy life and credit loans or just bank loan will make it much better. Because people’s freedom bases on money state.”
Um, yes. The grammar also suppose to be useful for people which would like to start their engrish state.

“Great posting. I’m looking for elfination » Blog Archive » That pisses me off. information but your content about automotive service manager resume writing give me a lot of knowledge. Thanks.”
RIGHT! Because I have a whole damn PAGE about “automotive service manager resume writing” …. I’m glad you were able to get so much out of it.

خبر داغ***امروز اين سايت سکسی ايرانی را که در بالا ميبينيد در بين لينک های وبلاگ ديدم..خيلی جالب بود..تا به حال نديده بودم که ايرانی ها هم يک سايت فيلم سکسی به اين باحالی داشته باشند..گفتم بنويسم اينجا که بقيه هم استفاده کنند..ممنون از مطالب شما
Yes, exactly. I agree completely. This is a particularly salient point, given that it’s a response to my post on roadkill.

“Why you RSS is still for free?:))”
Well, Mr. Fuck Pictures, I really believe in free RSS. Call it stupid, but I just give all this stuff away for free.

The following are just random wtf statements that, I guess, are designed to make me think I know the person….

“Silva came through towards the end but it was too late”
(Yeah, I know, isn’t that always the way?)
“Hi and many thanks for a enlightening blog. I appreciate what you talked about.”
(Thanks, it’d be even more useful from someone whose username was something other than “day-64-hcg-diet”.)
“Be sure I´ll be back. Found this great blog by searching for bored bored bored”
(You’re welcome, FreeMov! I’m not sure why that’s a good search term, but hey, if it brought you here, it must be good.)
“it was great fun, wasn’t it? And the fight scenes were great, even in the sequels”
(what the hell are you TALKING about??)
“One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like”
(I’ll remember this as I meditate.)