elfination

Just as a person’s relationship with God is between that person and God, so goes their relationship with grief. Do not belittle another’s feelings by suggesting that they are “obviously” doing better than someone else, as though comparison can be made on some sort of binary scale. If one is doing “better”, it doesn’t mean that one does not feel loss, sadness, anger, guilt at all. Only that person can know, but even if everyone could understand completely, it is not a contest.

Faking it through a smile can make a person eventually HONESTLY smile. Faking carefree actions can make a person eventually feel carefree. Don’t assume that the carefree actions or laughter of another is somehow “proof” that they feel less pain; and even if they do truly feel less pain, it is not a contest.

Remember that indignation is part of adjustment for some people. Blame is part of the process for many. The search for resolution, the championing of a willful cause…. all of these are part of adjusting away from the world Before into the world Now. But the amount of action or inaction one takes does not correlate to depth of feeling. And even if it did, it is not a contest.

Offer what strength you can, reserve what strength you must, and do not feel guilt or obligation for either. It is not a contest.