Sometimes a blurry blob
Posted in Bad Days, The Unnamed Goldfish on 04/08/2008 01:29 pm by ElfIs just a blurry blob.
Gestational sac? Check
Yolk sac? Check
Embryo? Embryo???
Hey, did someone forget to order an embryo?
Don’t get me wrong. I was…. am pregnant. I am carrying an empty sac of nothing. The ultrasound images showed a yolk sac, not the OMG BAAAAEEEEBYYYYEEEE!!! that my friend Michele decided to proclaim (uncorrected by the ultrasound tech). My hormone levels have risen somewhat, but have not double-double-doubled like they’re supposed to. And there’s nothing growing in the sac.
Sooo…. there’s a lot in my head.
I could be mad at everyone and everything, or just at myself… but I really don’t think I did anything wrong, and nobody else is really culpable for my utterly defective reproductive cycle. So I think I’ll just sigh and say it’s God’s way of telling me I was right… no baby deserves having me for a mother anyhow.
I’m going to go cry for a while, and wait for my OBGYN to schedule a D&C to remove the offending sac.
04/08/2008 at 8:11 pm
You’re wrong.
You have every right to be a mother and not be ashamed or afraid of that responsibility. This is not your fault.
You’re one of the strongest people I know, and if anything the lessons you’ve learned in your life have starkly outlined what kind of mother NOT to be.
You’re wrong to feel that way.
04/09/2008 at 8:31 pm
I’s sorry you have to go through this. It’s hard. (I know. Believe me, I know.) But… reading what you’ve done for KB - the love and dedication you’ve shown - leaves no doubt in my mind that you will be a fine mother, when it is meant to be.
((hugs))
from Melissa, a proud supporter of KB, in Pittsburgh PA
04/11/2008 at 5:54 pm
thank you to both of you. You’ve probably read the more recent post - I do feel a little better … or, I did, until I got a big happy excited “contgrats!” card from Barrett’s mom… it kind of re-broke my heart. *sighs*
Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate them more than I can say.
–Em